Forging Forward: Safe Harbor for All
Pictured: Nicole Molinaro, president and CEO of the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh // Photography by Jeff Swensen
Forging Forward is a series of eight articles about our region’s recovery and resiliency in the time of COVID, presented with the generous support of the Pittsburgh Foundation.
Meeting people where they are is something that the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh has infused into the fabric of the organization since its inception 45 years ago.
Founders Ellen Berliner and Anne Steytler, along with friends and social workers who wanted a space to knit, quilt and hang out that was exclusively for women, never dreamed that the stories told around that circle of trust would spark a movement. What they quickly discovered was that 40% of the women who came to quilt actually needed a safe place to stay at some point.
It began with a hotline and small storefront in Dormont where women could share information and provide couches to sleep on.
“Back then, when you called the police if your husband was threatening violence or being violent, they would say, ‘He’s drunk and just needs to walk it off.’ The community didn’t understand what domestic violence meant or what patterns of behaviors looked like,” said Nicole Molinaro, president and CEO of WC&S.
“Now we have 8,000 adult and child survivors of domestic violence that we support and 500 men who use our battering behavior services. We believe that people can change. It doesn’t have to define who they are,” said Molinaro.
By using people-first language, Molinaro notes that it removes the idea that this person is a monster and instead focuses on the behaviors. Staying with this model of community care has helped WC&S expand while still keeping a grassroots approach. “We pride ourselves on going wide as well as deep. This has taken time, as we want to work with survivors and identify their evolving and ongoing needs,” she adds.
For Elizabeth, entrepreneur, teacher, mother of two teenage boys both on the autism spectrum, and a survivor of domestic violence, the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh was an integral part of her escaping violence and finding a place of peace for her family.
“I knew I had to change the situation, but I didn’t label it as abusive until my ex-husband had hit a real point of danger. He threatened to kill himself or us every day. It was awful,” she recalled. “One day, he said he wanted to leave and I said, ‘Go’. That was the first time I had ever done that. When he left, me and my children lived for 18 months in the house without violence. Then, one day, he came back and held us at knifepoint,” said Elizabeth. Recognizing that the situation was only going to continue to escalate, she knew she needed help.
“People always say, ‘just leave him.’ But what they don’t understand is that leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time of all,” said Molinaro.
She notes that 73% of those killed by their partner or ex-partner is when or after they leave the house. “Safety planning is critical to leaving safely,” said Moliaro. “Only 4% of people who are killed used domestic violence programs. There is help and it’s free and confidential. For women like Elizabeth, this is exactly the reason that we exist,” she added.
“The Center was so helpful through everything. I actually lost my vision temporarily while driving to the Center because of the stress of it all. They helped me with every single part of things, from big things like dealing with courts and lawyers to simple things like finding parking Downtown for my appointments. They were so good with my kids, too, both of which were diagnosed with PTSD because of all of this,” said Elizabeth.
The services provided at the Center are all-encompassing, working to meet people where they are. The organization recognizes that anyone can be a victim of intimate partner violence includiing women, nonbinary / gender non-conforming people, men, and those in the LGBTQIA+ community. Everyone from every walk of life is welcome.
“Most people think we provide emergency shelter, which we do, but we also do so much more,” said Molinaro. In fact only a small percentage of those who utilize the services at the Center use shelter services. The organization provides a wide array of supports including therapy, advocacy services, child care, safety planning, and the MENS Group which offers support to help men understand their situation and gain control of their feelings.
“I was having trouble making ends meet and they were able to help me with that, too,” said Elizabeth. The organization assisted her with food, clothing and child care. “The childcare is exceptional. Everyone is trained in trauma so they are very well-equipped to help your kids. I was so afraid for my boys, but now I feel like they are getting the tools that they need to face the world and not repeat these cycles,” she added.
“A big part of our counseling in general is education, so our children’s support advocates and I educate not only the children, but the parents on the cycles of intergenerational violence and how we can break them,” said Kayla Causer, children’s counselor.
Children are way more perceptive and in-tune with what is going on around them, Causer adds. She notes that it is important for intervention to happen early so that kids have a space to be heard and believed. “I can’t stress enough how important it is to value children and listen to their experience,” she said. “Whatever they are feeling, it is OK and it is real. If what they are feeling is causing them distress, we work on coping skills so that they can pull themselves through it. Children are so resilient,” she added.
Elizabeth believes that WC&S has helped her sons navigate these scary waters in constructive and healthy ways. “They needed healing. They needed counseling. We couldn’t even take knives out to cook with because my one son would run out of the kitchen. But recently, because of the support the Center gave me, my son and I threw away the knife that frightened him and he picked a new one online for us to cook with. I learned how to help him feel empowered because of the new tools I have. We can cook again together. He feels safer in the kitchen. These are big moments for us,” she added.
And for those accessing services, the pandemic has shown a light on how the intersections of poverty, race, food insecurity, and health care services can create a lattice preventing people from finding support when they need it. “Covid-19 has really amplified any issues people were already experiencing. We also know that domestic violence has increased in frequency and severity. We’ve never seen it at this level before,” said Molinaro
Elizabeth echoed that sentiment. “Having national social supports, like universal healthcare, would really help to alleviate some of that stress. Men holding other men accountable is another thing that could really help to change the ways in which we see one another. If my story can help save one person, then it is worth sharing,” she said.
And during these trying times, the generosity of the community is more important than ever. There are 49 people staying in the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh at any given time. “Donations are always appreciated, especially donating dinners through restaurant gift cards. Because we can’t prepare food on site like we used to due to the pandemic, gift cards for restaurants help out those living in our shelter and utilizing our services a lot,” said Molinaro.
“What I really hope people take away is to keep an open mind. Learn the signs, help your friends and neighbors reach out for help,” added Molinaro. Elizabeth agreed, adding: “It was because of my sister’s mother-in-law that I was able to get help. They encouraged me and sat with me to make that call to the Center. That call saved my life and my children’s. And for that, and this new beginning, I am eternally grateful.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing physical, emotional or psychological abuse from a spouse or partner, call the 24-Hour Emergency Hotline for help and support: Advocates are available for online and text support 24 hours a day. You can communicate with one of the advocates by clicking on the ‘Chat for Help’ widget on the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh website or by texting (412) 744-8445.
STORY BY NATALIE BENCIVENGA // PHOTOGRAPHY BY JEFF SWENSEN
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